To Forgive My Father

A letter to my Dad.

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

Dad,

You left me when I was ten years old. I was a little girl full of dreams, but you couldn't see my heart. Then, suddenly, you decided to go and never come back. It was the month of September; on a beautiful day in spring, you packed your bags and went on your way. I didn't understand what I had done. Was it something I said? What did I do wrong? I will never know because now you are gone. The years passed, and there wasn't even a phone call. I couldn't reach you, even if I wanted to. Was I not worthy of your love, your kisses and hugs? You took it all away from me. I had no choice but to accept my destiny and not question anything.

I remember your smile and warm embrace. The way you held me in your arms and took away my pain. You said everything would be ok, that I should never worry because you would always be there for me. I believed every word you said. If you loved me more than the moon and the stars, then how come you left? Do you still love me from afar? I never understood your reasons, but I miss you, Dad. Still.

As the years moved on, I began to question everything. Nothing felt complete. You were missing from me. I often thought about how it would be if you had taken care of me. We would've made great memories and had lots of fun. I often think about your smile and the way you looked at me. You seemed so proud, yet I wasn't enough for you to stay. Whatever happened to your promises? No matter what, you said you would never walk away. Did you think I was that strong, that I would never break? I was your little girl. I never did you wrong, why didn't you come back? That is all I wish to say.

You never wrote me letters or came to visit. I couldn't show you my grades or achievements. You never again wished me a happy birthday or sent me a card, read me a bedtime story or took me to the park. You forgot about my needs and that I was afraid of the dark. What was more important than the love inside my heart?

We never spoke after you left. You walked out the door and left mum in tears. I had to worry about everything because you didn't care. I thought you were different, that you would return, but you made it very clear that would never be. You were a coward, someone I didn't want to know. I had made you into my hero, my superman, but you took it all away from me because you had other plans. Selfish and foolish, you chose to start another life. Marry again, and have another wife. I wasn't part of the equation anymore, only a problem that you wanted to ignore. You left me in pieces, and for years I felt this way. I couldn't accept that you had decided to leave your little princess.

Now I cannot reach you, even if I wanted to. You died four years ago, and I never got a chance to say goodbye. I didn't know the man that you'd become, only the Dad that I knew. I'll never understand why you left behind a stunning rose. I will always wish it wasn't so, but I forgive you, dad, and I will always love you so.

--

--

Mother of three. Freelance writer. Poet. Lyricist. “We are lost souls trying to find the light, and when we do, we dance with shadows.”

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Wallis May Streete

Mother of three. Freelance writer. Poet. Lyricist. “We are lost souls trying to find the light, and when we do, we dance with shadows.”