My First Kiss
Only to be read by hopeless romantics.
I remember being 13 years old and dreaming about Keanu Reeves ( the “Lake House” Keanu for all you die-hard fans). In my fantasy world, he would hold my hand, gaze into my eyes, and give me the best kind of love. It was utter perfection, and I was devoted. We were standing by a lake under the light of stars; music played in the background while the soft summer breeze caressed our skin. He gently took my hand and whispered, “I hope that time stands still, so that forever becomes our definite sky. I will love you always.” He leaned in slowly and gently pressed his lips against mine. It was my first kiss, and it was full of passion and desire. For a moment, I felt like the world had stopped spinning, and time was non-existent. I was in absolute teenage heaven and didn’t want to wake up. Sadly, after 8 solid hours of sleep, I was back in reality.
In my dreams, I had always imagined my first kiss to be like in the movies. Getting swept off my feet by the handsome leading man who would profess his undying love for me. We would passionately kiss and run into the sunset, embracing each other and promising eternity. My heart would beat fast, and I would have butterflies in my stomach. It was truly divine.
The truth is, my real-life experience turned out to be quite the opposite. My first kiss happened when I was 14, behind an old country shed, next to a rough pile of haystack. The place was cold; it was pouring down with rain, dark and humid. I could even hear a herd of sheep as our background music. You can’t get more organic than that. I looked like a wet cat, tripped over twice and fell into a puddle of mud. I was trying to act all cool and sophisticated, but that intention was short-lived. Nothing was like how I imagined. The boy was my brother’s best friend, who I liked, but not very much. He was cute on a level 6 out of 10. Quirky, but in a goofy kind of way. Rather shy, and as mysterious as my grandmother's old cat. I desperately wanted to find similarities between him and Keanu Reeves, but after 10 hours of deliberation, I concluded there were zero.
We chatted for a while about life in general. I talked about school and grades, teachers and friends. He told me about his family, his hobbies and that he was learning to play the guitar. As we were talking, he came closer and put his arms around my waist. Suddenly, his wet lips pressed against mine. Then he awkwardly slipped his tongue in my mouth, which made me cough and gasp for breath. It was all over in about 40 seconds. I looked at him, and for reasons unbeknown to me, said, “Thank you”, as I pulled myself together. “Was that your first kiss?” he asked with a grin on his face. “Of course not. Why do you think that?” I asked curiously. “You just kiss like a newbie, that's all”. No big deal, everyone has to start somewhere,” he expressed as he staggered off into the sunset, oblivious to how I was feeling.
I stood there thinking how I had got it so wrong. That maybe this was all it was. This was the crude reality of everyone's first kiss, and that love and passion were an abstract concept that never materialised in peoples hearts. I remember feeling overwhelmed. I stood there for a moment and cried. I was devastated. It was as if all of my illusions had come crashing down. My dreams had been shattered. Was I ever going to feel magic in a kiss? Would I find someone that truly loved me? I had always believed in great love stories and happy endings ( sadly based on Hollywood movies), but there had to be a foundation of truth underneath it all. Right?
I realise now that what matters the most is what we live through. Moments create memories, and they harbour deep in our soul. From every experience, we learn something new and grow in the process. Our interpretations of love become a build-up of unrealistic expectations that we cannot attain. Love isn't perfect, and it never will be. Like your first kiss, it’s not what you imagine it to be. However, I do believe that with the right person, there can be magic. All you need is a potion of trust, loyalty and patience. Real-life is messy, and real love is too.
On my 34th birthday, I had my first real kiss with the love of my life. It felt like coming home after many years of being on a battlefield of failed relationships. The magic was there, and the butterflies in my stomach were real. Everything had led up to that moment, and it was better than any Hollywood movie.
Your first kiss may not be what you expect. In fact, in most cases, it will disappoint, but I promise you this. When you find someone that you deeply love, every kiss will feel like heaven. Now that is a moment worth waiting for. Don't you think?
