Love in the form of her

Samuel’s story

The moment I met the love of my life, I was lying on the street pavement and had just fallen over and hit my head. I was dizzy, in pain, and surrounded by a crowd of people. As a medical student, I knew that I needed stitches to the wound. I was trying to get up from the floor when all of sudden this girl came through the crowd proclaiming to be a doctor. “Excuse me, coming through. I'm a doctor I will look at this now. Could you please move away, thank you” she said as she practically barged her way in. I looked up at her, and all I could think about was how beautiful she was. Her hair was golden blonde, wavy and long. She had big green eyes, and her skin was pale and soft. Her voice was gentle and soothing. “Hello, my name is Marion. I'm a medical student, and I will make sure that you're ok. I will call an ambulance right away. The moment she looked into my eyes, I was mesmerised. I had met other girls in my life who had warmed my heart, but no one had ever taken it completely. Then all of a sudden, this stranger comes into my life under rather unusual circumstances and makes me fall in love with her in less than ten minutes. What I felt in my heart was unbeknown to be. It was like a bolt of lightning had hit me, and I was completely overwhelmed. “I can't go to the hospital; my little sister is waiting for me to pick her up from school. I can’t be late it would devastate her. Could you take me? Marion looked at me with the most endearing eyes. I was hoping she would say yes. I wanted to get to know her more. Somehow the pain on my head was irrelevant to me. “I will drive you to your sister's school, don't worry, but straight after that; you have to promise me we will go to the hospital. If not, this deal is off” she said firmly. “I promise you,” I said. “That's good. I will slowly lift you now ok, just hold on to me” she said. I was so happy to get to spend a few more hours with her. As she helped me into the car, I turned my head towards her and said “I'm a medical student too. Just thought you'd like to know” I told her. “Are you serious? What are the chances of us crossing paths because you had a fall in the middle of the street?”, she said excitedly. “Well I like to think it was more due to my utter clumsiness, and your eagerness to help, but I would rather agree with your point of view”, I said gazing into her eyes. I thought she was lovely, but it was too soon to tell her.

We arrived at my sister's school, and she was very worried when I told her what happened. I'm everything to her. She never got to know our mother, as she died while giving birth to Eloise. I became her world after that. She is my universe, her and grandma Felicity. “Samuel, you need to go to the hospital right now, isn't that right? said Eloise, while looking at Marion. “Yes. I completely agree we should take him now. Let's get in the car”, she replied. We arrived at the hospital, and I had ten stitches put in, just as Marion had predicted. As she waited outside with my sister, I kept thinking about how lovely she was. Her presence brought me peace, and I felt very comfortable around her. I needed to find an excuse to get to know her better. I wasn't going to let this opportunity slip away. This was the girl I was going to marry one day. I just knew it. I couldn't explain what I was feeling, but it was happening.

I was ready to go home and went out to meet the girls. They were chatting together in the waiting room. My sister looked very engaged, talking to Marion. I slowly walked to where they were. “I'm going to live; the cut wasn't as bad as we thought. So I will be fine. The only problem is I will need a chofer for the next few days since I can't drive” I said hoping that Marion would agree to it. “I can do that. It's not a problem, especially for a few days”. I was so happy that she had said yes. Every part of me just wanted to be with her. I cannot explain it. I just knew it.

The next few weeks, Marion and I spent a lot of time together. We would take long walks in the park and talk about so many things. She was gentle, kind, beautiful and passionate. She loved English Literature and the world of Shakespeare and Jane Austen. Sometimes we would spend hours sitting on a park bench, and she would read to me. I found her voice so soothing. I loved her more with each passing hour. “Samuel, can I ask you something? she said as she put her book down. “You can ask me anything,” I told her. I would like to know if you're ever going to kiss me?” she said in a sweet voice. I immediately sat up on the bench and looked at her. Without uttering a word, I held her close to me and passionately kissed her soft, tender lips. I will never forget that day, kissing her felt like heaven. It was like time had stood still, and there was nothing else around us. It was me and her under the vast universe. At that moment, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She was the most caring person I knew, and her fighting spirit was admirable. I felt overjoyed to be with her, and all I wanted to do was make her happy.

Two years after we met, I proposed. We married in a very intimate ceremony in a cottage down by the sea. Eloise and my grandmother were our bridesmaids. It was the happiest day of my life. I was marrying the girl of my dreams, and I felt like the luckiest man in the world. We were a family and bought our first home six months later. I was completing my final year of cardiology, and we were trying for a baby. Everything had fallen into place, and I felt amazing. I kept thinking about my mum and how she would have loved Marion if they had met. They both had the same sense of humour and would have gotten on so well. It breaks my heart that they will never get to know each other.

Eloise and my grandmother moved in with us. The next few years were absolute bliss; it was the happiest time of my life. I was married to the most incredible, loving woman and lived in a beautiful house with those closest to me. I had become a cardiologist and worked for the local hospital; Marion had also finished her residence and graduated with honours. She decided to take a few years off and concentrate on having a baby. She also wanted to follow her true passion which was art; I supported her in everything I could. Marion had always wanted children. I was more reluctant since I had raised a baby at a very young age and took on a lot of responsibilities after my mother's death. I guess I was scared, but I didn't want to project my fears onto her. She knew my story and always understood my pain. I wanted to make her happy and knew that Marion would be an amazing mother.

Life has a curious way of turning your world upside down in the most unexpected moments, and it certainly made no exception with us. On our first attempt, Marion became pregnant, and we were overjoyed. I couldn't believe that I was going to be a father. It didn't scare me. I didn't really feel like a first-time dad. I had raised my sister from birth, and I had to learn very quickly how to be responsible for another life. I was twelve years old when my mother passed away. I raised Eloise with the help of my grandmother. My entire life was focused on them. They were my world growing up, and they still are. I had been devastated by my mothers passing. It left me completely broken and still affects me to this day. I never thought that I would have to go through another loss in my life. I never imagined that Marion would have to go through so much pain and heartache, but life is sometimes out of our control, and we have no power.

Marion had lost four babies in the space of three years. She suffered her first miscarriage at twelve weeks. It was her first pregnancy. Another two followed, but none of them came to be. The last miscarriage was twins at sixteen weeks. I cannot begin to describe how I felt seeing her in that amount of pain. She had tried so hard to be strong and move forward, but the last one left her depleted of all her energy. She was mentally and physically exhausted. I felt helpless at times, but I promised myself that I would be her strength. There were days when she felt better than others, but it was a healing process, and I was there to give her all my support. I gave her space when she needed it and held her in my arms when she cried. I was broken inside. We were so close to becoming parents, and then it was all taken away. We had no choice, and there was nothing we could do about it. All I could be throughout that time was someone with whom she found comfort. It took Marion two years to feel normal again. Painting helped her heal; she painted wonderful still life. I would buy her brushes and canvases, oils and acrylics. Anything she needed to make her feel better and focus on her work. She loved it, and I could see the passion coming back into her. When she painted, she felt at peace. It gave her magic and lightened her spirit. She would sometimes paint into the night. I would sit and watch her; she always looked so beautiful. We built a separate studio in the house, and she slowly began selling her work. She never took up medicine again.

During that time, Marion became pregnant. We didn't plan it and were not expecting it. It was the nicest surprise that life could have given us. I was nervous and scared. I didn't want her to go through heartbreak again. I felt that I needed to protect her and keep her safe. Deep down, I knew that this baby was coming to stay. I could feel it, and I dreamt that she was a girl. I have never been one to believe in superstitions and universal signs, but this was different. It was special.

Abby Rose was born in 1982 on Christmas day. She looked so much like Marion. She was born six weeks early but was perfectly healthy and strong. I had become a father, and I was overjoyed. When I looked at my daughter, I felt complete. All the years of pain and sadness led us up to this moment, and it was wonderful. Marion was the best mother. She and Abby had a very special bond. Eloise adored her; she was the proudest auntie. My grandmother got to meet Abby and spent the first year of her life loving and taking care of her. Her eyes would light up every time Abby would be in her arms. It was the happiest I had ever seen her.

The following years were filled with joy. I was working a lot, but would always spend quality time with my family. Marion decided that we wouldn't try for any more children. We didn't want to risk putting her through any more heartache. Abby would be our only child, and we felt very grateful to have her in our lives. She would be very loved and cared for; we were so proud of her. She was the best baby. Slept through the night at only three months old. Her smile would light up every room; she was so joyful and fun. I could watch her for hours as she ran up and down the corridors playing with her soft toys. She just had to look at me with her big blue eyes, and I would melt in her arms. Marion liked dressing her up and dancing to her favourite songs. Together they were my world. Having Eloise, and my grandmother there made everything perfect. I couldn't have been happier.

I have always believed that life is a rollercoaster journey. It is a constant wave that gives and takes without warning, making you experience so many emotions. Life taught me about loss and pain from a very young age. First, when my mother died, and then with the loss of my babies. I learnt how to function with a broken heart and put other peoples needs before mine. What came next in my life was something I found very hard to live with. On the eve of my daughters 15th birthday, I took Marion to see a colleague of mine. She had been suffering from excruciating back pain for more than six weeks, and I wanted her to be seen. After various examinations, we were finally given the diagnosis, and it wasn't good. Marion had a degenerative disease called Muscular Dystrophy. She would eventually need a wheelchair, and her quality of life would change drastically. I remember all I could do at that moment was hold her in my arms and tell her that I loved her. That I would be by her side every single moment. I had to be stronger than ever, but inside my heart had been shattered. I felt that life had dealt me a bitter card, once again.

I became strong for everyone and gave Marion all that she needed to be comfortable. She was so young. I couldn’t bare thinking that she would be so affected by something out of her control. The following years Abby became her world. I hired help so that Abby could spend more time with Marion. She was the best daughter; she would hardly leave her mother’s side. We managed to build a routine and settle into it. There were times when I would go out for a drive, and I would just cry, endlessly. I couldn’t allow anyone to see me this way. I was everyone’s pillar of strength, but sometimes I would feel so weak and helpless. I was a cardiologist, and I couldn’t help my wife. There were nights when I would go down to the kitchen and sit there for hours staring at the walls. I kept thinking about my life and how everything was always being taken away from me. I had moments when I felt so much anger and frustration. I wanted to scream at the world. All I wanted was for my wife to be healthy again, and I couldn’t make that happen.

Marion was forty-four years old when she was first diagnosed. She passed away six years later at fifty-one on the 26th of September. The day she left us, she took my soul with her. Her love inspired me in ways that I could have never imagined. She understood me like no other person. I know that our love will live on forever. I have no regrets. I loved her with every single part of my being, and she knew this. I never hurt her. I always took care of her heart because she was my sweet angel. I couldn’t have lived with myself, knowing that I was to blame for any of her tears. I know I made her happy. She would always say to me “Samuel, you’re the man of my dreams. I’m a lucky girl because I got to marry the prince.” I loved every part of her being. She made me a better man and father. My darling girl, I will miss you every single day that you’re gone, and I will love you for the rest of mine.

After her death, I lost myself in grief. Abby and my sister Eloise became the focus of my life. They were there through it all, giving me all the love and support I needed. I couldn't have made it without them. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be vulnerable and scared. I had the best people around me. “I miss her so much, Abby”, I would say to my daughter. “ I know dad. I miss her too. She will always be with us. Right here, in our hearts. Forever”, she would reply. I held my daughter in my arms and gently kissed her forehead. I told her how much I loved her and how proud of her I was. Just how Marion would have done.