A brief encounter with the love of my life
They say that time is relative. To me, it is a profound mystery filled with complexity and intertwined with space. A fundamental dimension that allows things to have form and structure. It has a motion that we cannot revert, only distort, and this needs a lot of energy to accomplish, which only makes sense if time exists. We are part of a grand universe that allows for life to be possible, and as we sail through time and navigate through space, fate becomes more revealing and connected with our reality.
It is the biggest mystery of all, yet it is different for everyone. It depends on which perspective you are watching the events unfold. A grandmother will not have the same views or experiences as her grandchild; neither will her daughter. Everything develops as a constant and is interlaced over the years, with the essence of love.
Life moves us in contrasting directions, sometimes towards places that we enjoy, and others in which we suffer pain and sorrow. Everyone is trying to find their purpose and searching for what makes them happy. It is in this pursuit where we encounter the world with all its subtle synchronicities. I want to believe that love is the final answer to all that we question and that our dreams bring contentment to our hearts.
When it comes to love, time is the essence of personal growth. We learn from different relationships through the years and eventually find our comfort zone where we feel secure enough to express our deepest affections.
As children, we rely on the example of our parents and how they interact as a couple. We distinguish emotions, conversations and personal interactions; they are the stepping stone to how we relate and communicate with others.
At nine years old, I had my first crush; he was an Italian boy named Johnny, and at the time, he was everything I wanted. Tall, slim, honey-coloured hair, green eyes and a smile that could lift you to the moon. He was sweet, playful and kind. I remember him until this day, and although I didn’t get my first kiss with him, he had a positive impact on my childhood. We became excellent friends until I moved away. We never got a chance to meet again as he later returned to Italy. That was the first time I was heartbroken, and hours felt like years while I was missing him.
Three years later, I had my first kiss. I was twelve, and Steven had just turned thirteen. I remember all I could think about at that moment is how much time had passed since I last saw Johnny. I was holding on to a memory that I didn’t want to let go, which meant I hadn’t moved on. It felt like I wanted to go back and relive moments with him, but now it was too late. I would never get that time again. I was aware of my past fo the very first time, and it all felt a little overwhelming.
At fifteen, I had my first official boyfriend, but that ended quite abruptly when he began going out with my best friend, unbeknown to me, of course. For this reason, the relationship only lasted a short four months.
It was my first real heartbreak, but I got over it quickly as I never became too attached or illusioned in that relationship.
I was seventeen when I met Daniel, and I can vividly remember the first time I ever I saw him. He was sitting on the bed when I entered his room. I was there with a mutual friend from college who had taken me along with her to visit. “Wait until you meet Daniel,” she said with a cheeky smile. “Why? I’m not sure he’s my type” I replied. “Oh, trust me. He’s everyone’s type” she answered. I had no expectations. All I knew was that we were visiting a friend and that we were going to listen to some alternative music. I was single at the time and had no intention of meeting anyone. My experiences until then had been disastrous and redundant enough to put me off the idea of having any romantic entanglement. I was young and free.
I remember arriving at his house on a dark, cold winters day at around 7 pm. He was going to help my best friend Amanda with a music assignment she needed to do for film school. As we knocked on the door I could hear Daniel shout “Mum, could you open the door and let my friends in please, thanks”. His mum was a lovely Irish woman full of joy and laughter. She welcomed us with a beautiful smile and told us to go up. I was leading the way, and as I got to the end of the stairs, Amanda points out to me, “Its the blue door on the right, just open it.” As I slowly opened the door, I walked in quite timidly and said hello. Sitting by the bed next to the window was the most beautiful man I ever saw. He had long, thick black hair, soft pale skin, ocean blue eyes and lips like heaven. My heart began racing before I even approached him, and I could feel butterflies in my stomach.
I thought I was dying from uncontrollable lust. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. Daniel made me feel nervous and giddy. At that moment, I felt a surge of memories go through my mind, transporting me back in time to all the horrible dates I had been on and the boys I had wooed over. Daniel was so different. He was mysterious, kind yet passionate and humble. I know that I fell in love the first moment I saw him; he simply took my breath away. “Hello Felicity, it’s nice to meet you. Would you like a cup of tea?” he said in a soft-spoken voice. He looked at me with the sweetest eyes, and I felt the most profound connection between us. One that wasn’t normal for the short space of time in which we had met, but it was real, and we both knew it. Time had been of no importance in the first 30 minutes we were together. It had no presence or relevance.
I felt I had known him all of my life and nothing else mattered. I felt happy by his side and didn’t want to leave. Even though my friend insisted it was time to go. We finally headed home after three short hours of being in his house. Daniel offered to walk us to the bus stop since it was dark and he wanted us to be safe. In those 15 minutes that we strolled together, I had never felt more serene and protected. I recognised his essence without really knowing him as a person. He was 20, and I was 17. As we said goodbye, he turned around and opened his arms to me, “Come here, I want to give you a hug” is that ok? he asked. “Yes, of course, it is” I replied. Amanda looked at me with questionable eyes, as if saying she felt confused. I walked towards him without hesitation and rested my head on his shoulder as he gently embraced me. Being there felt like a joyful forever, I didn’t want to let go. It was as if time had stood still, and everything else was a blur. “I know you”, he whispered in my ear.”You’re the love of my life”, he said.
We were inseparable after that and did everything together. Nothing compared to the way my heart felt when I was with him. Life had meaning, and I was with someone that I cherished and loved beyond words. There was nothing about Daniel that I disliked; he was my world and my entire life. I adored every part of him. He never broke my trust or lied to me. He never hurt me or made me feel less worthy. I was his princess, and he truly made me feel that way. Age and time were of no importance; The only driving force was love.
He asked me to marry him on my birthday — June 5th. We were walking along our favourite park, and he suddenly kneeled on the pavement. He looked at me and said “I will always be half of your soul, and I will always protect your heart. As long as we’re together, nothing will ever harm you. I will make it my life’s mission to make you happy, and I will give my all to love and support you. My darling Felicity, will you marry me?” he asked. “Yes!, yes, yes”, I answered with excitement as I jumped into his arms.
We had six beautiful years of absolute joy and irreplaceable love. We began trying for a baby when I turned 22 but was unsuccessful. We didn't give up, but we never stressed about it either. If a baby were to come our way, it would eventually arrive. We never lost hope, and meanwhile made the best our of our lives and bought a beautiful little house close to town. We were blissfully happy. I worked as an art teacher at a local primary school, and David became a concert pianist. He would ride his bike to work every day, and I would make him his favourite lunch in the morning. Every time he left the door he would turn around and say “I love you more than life”. “I love you too, Daniel”, I would reply.
Nothing could have been more magical. It was perfect, and the most precious time of my life, but then, my world turned completely upside down. I never expected something so tragic to come our way. Life comes with no warning, and can sometimes take away from you as much as it has given. I wasn't prepared for what was to come, and what happened in the next chapter of my existence, broke me in a way that I cannot explain.
Daniel past away in my arms while in hospital. He was hit by a lorry while driving his bike on his way home from work. I held him in my arms for what felt like the three longest days of my life. I knew I was going to lose him, yet I didn’t want to accept it. In that time, he drifted in and out of consciousness. He could speak very little and managed to say a few words before life took him away. As I was holding him and kissing his forehead one last time, he opened his eyes and whispered “You are my everything. You will forever be the one”. Before I had a chance to reply, he was gone.
Time ceased to exist in that very moment. It wasn’t real and didn’t have a direction or purpose. There was a stillness to everything, a quietude that rested over me and I couldn’t push away. My love for him was eternal, and I’m grateful for every minute we spent together. Through his eyes, I saw the clearest skies, and through his heart, I lived my world. I will love him beyond the end of time.
Our daughter Lilly Rose was born eight and a half months later. I never got a chance to tell him that I was pregnant. I found out a few days after I lost him. Though in my heart, I believe he knew before me.
